I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
