So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
