Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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