my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
