I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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