so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
