Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Soap is not a condiment
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
