So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
