these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
