I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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