yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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