I puked a lego.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
