I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
