they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
