Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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