does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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