Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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