If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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