I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
