It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
