Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
