Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
