the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
