I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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