she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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