the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize