I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
