i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
