Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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