We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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