So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
why is half of my head shaved?
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