I wish I could punch you in the face.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
