In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
