shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
