i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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