Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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