my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
