Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
