I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
