I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
