p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
