I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
