Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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