We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
