Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
