I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
