um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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