Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
