I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
