You're completely useless in the revolution.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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