i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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