we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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